Slow Guy

“Are you down with OPC?”

“Yeah you know me!”

“Who’s down with OPC?”

Apparently a lot of people.  No, OPC shouldn’t be confused with Naughty By Nature’s Classic OPP 

If you clicked it you will sing it… for the rest of the day.

OPC stands for Other People’s Children.  Specifically, expressing your opinion – out loud – about Other People’s Children.

I was first exposed to OPCers when the Dude was born.  A Breast Feeding Nazi (BFN) went bizzaro on me because we weren’t going to boob feed the kid.  I took offense to the BFN’s ranting for a few reasons.  It wasn’t medically sound for us to do so. When I attempted to point that small fact out the BFN dismissed it and continued her tirade that my kid was going to be a soulless homicidal manic because he didn’t receive the love and nurture of Mom Boob Milk.  The other reason – it was none of her damn business what we did.

The next clash with the OPC was during the Dude’s early immunizations.  We were barraged with “facts” about how the medical community wants to keep our kids sick so they can make more money.  If I countered with scientific information that was dismissed because the OPC Agent knew somebody that had a kid grow an extra appendage after the mumps vaccine.

I thought it would end… it didn’t.

Diet is another subject an OPCer will lecture you on.  If you aren’t following the no milk/ no goldfish diet for toddlers you are a horrible person.  God help you if the kid eats an ice cream cone.

If you are a mom and you go back to work at anytime before your child is 24 – you are an unfit parent and you don’t love your kid.  Strangely, working moms often feel stay at home moms have it easy… they do.  I’m kidding… no I’m not.  Being a stay at home dad was the hardest job I ever had and I loved it more than any job… ever.  Would the OPC look down on me for being a stay at home dad?  Probably – It is the man’s job to work and be miserable.

Leave your kid in daycare and take a day off? I guarantee you OPC will find out.

“I’m sure your child would rather be with you” they will say condescendingly.  The OPC will use guilt to break you.  Be strong.

According to law in most states bashing them with a 9 iron is not allowed.  Please check your own state guidelines.

Do you really need to find the right preschool?  OPC says yes. Home school, private school, public school… pick the wrong one and the OPC will be all over you.  According to the OPC International website – Home school is the best followed by Private school.  If you put your child in public school you obviously don’t love them.

Most of us have a small Voice inside of our brain.  This small Voice helps regulate what comes out of our mouth.  It keeps most men from answering the question: “Does this make me look fat?”  The Voice warns us and we change the subject.  The Voice keeps you from saying inappropriate, offensive and rude things out loud.  The OPC must have an implanted microchip to disable the Voice.

The lack of inner Voice explains why  OPC will comment on your child (loudly) while talking to somebody else.  They will question your parent skills in front of you as well as behind your back.  They will question how much you love your child based on choices you make.

The OPC are grandparents, friends, neighbors or strangers.  I am not sure how to deal with the OPC.  I think they should be investigated by the FBI. I won’t advocate public stoning of those that believe their way is the only way – but a Purple Nurple is OK.  How awesome that Purple Nurple is on eHow.com?

People – let other people raise their own kids.  Offer advice when asked or is the situation warrants it.  If they don’t take it – let it go.  Kids are not one size fits all.  Don’t rip other people’s kids in public – you never know who is around to hear it.